Yesterday I was reading Psalms 18, and I realized I had some misconceptions about God, and about myself.
God is not a bully, He's not some big bad guy in the sky, He's not like your dad, or brother, or uncle (or like anyone else in your life for that matter.)
He is:
- Our strength when we are weak: "I will love You, O Lord, my Strength..."
- Our rock, the only One Who is steady and reliable: "The Lord is my Rock..."
- Our fortress, the One we run to when we need to hide, to be safe: "And my Fortress..."
- Our deliverer, when we are desperate for help and surrounded: "And my Deliverer..."
- Our shield, He takes the brunt of the blow so we don't have to: "My God...my Shield..."
- Our salvation, He sacrificed Himself so we live eternally with Him: "The horn of my Salvation..."
- Our stronghold, just like our fortress, we can run to Him for safety: "My Stronghold..."
- Our support, we get to lean on him, and He is faithful to have our backs, to support us, to lift us up: "The Lord was my Support..."
I am amazed that He would be all that, for me.
He even goes beyond all that, He's so much more. But what I find to be amazing...or crazy, is that He delights in us! How can this be? "He delivered me because He delighted in Me..."
When I reached that particular verse...I was so humbled. My initial reaction was one of pure joy! And then the thought occurred to me to examine myself to see what could delight Him so. My smile was quickly turned upside down. Although I take pride that almost every person I know likes me and thinks I'm a good person (and I shouldn't be prideful, I'm working on that)...it hit me that HE is the only One who can see my heart.
And wow. What a hit that was. I examined my heart, and found there was nothing worth delighting in.
I think...all this time, I've almost been trying to earn my salvation through good works to others, by trying so hard to stay controlled in every situation, to always be kind. But I realized, that it doesn't matter if I had ALWAYS treated everyone else absolutely perfectly, I was still a sinner and unworthy of salvation. God cares about my heart, and my heart still sins against Him. This just impressed upon me even more, the importance of what Christ's death on the cross did for me. My sins (past, present, and future), have been washed away by the blood of the Lamb. When God looks at me, He sees Christ, now that is something to be delighted in.
